I knew that nothing would be the same... Covid had us on a path of a lot of the "new" way things are done, the end of last years school wasn't really school and Summer like usual just flew by. I am grateful for the time I had with my family this past Summer because if it weren't for Covid it would have looked a lot different.
I feel a bit emotional, sadness, excitement and pride all at the same time. It is one of those weeks that I have had to have my diffuser with Adaptiv running all day every day, and my roller and capsules on hand. Like every month it takes everything in me and my oil cabinet to get through this one week. Maybe it's not the right time to write, but my frustration needs to go somewhere and who knows maybe there is another mom out there feeling the same and this gives her some hope that she's not alone.
It's funny, from the time you decide to have kids to bringing them into the world you prepare them to become self sufficient, well respecting human beings. You teach them how to do the dishes, clean the house, do their laundry, budget their finances, be nice to others, play sports and of course prepare for the future. You just don't realize that all those things take them away from you (at some point). I am aware and have been for the last few years that change was coming. It is inevitable... I had one teenager and one pre-teen - it was coming. I am not naive, I remember those years. I have seen small things in the last few years that I came to accept as the "new" normal (they are teenagers right), but as my son entered high school I didn't realize how much it would affect me. No one prepares us MOMS for how to deal with it. We make sure they are all ready for the world, but forget to think about what that means for us. Don't panic, nothing bad has happened and I pray it doesn't, but I am being a little bit nostalgic.
It is definitely a unique time of life for everyone involved. The dads see no changes (lol), they are generally grateful for having some space, the kids have more independence at school, they want more independence at home (moving bedrooms to the basement might have been my idea...), they want to go here and go there and go everywhere (because none of us work or have better things to do then drive them all over the country for their social lives, right?). Hanging out with mom, dad or family isn't at the top of their list anymore, and playing catch in the front yard is pretty much a distant memory. So many years of them putting us up onto pedestals, craving our attention, asking for help, asking for us to watch them take shots, family movie nights - ALL GONE. Don't get me wrong, I still drive my kids everywhere and even though I might complain, I am holding onto the fact that they still need me to do that for them. I will be the bus driver for my kids and their friends until they decide that too will come to an end. At this point that seems to be all we are to them. Maybe in a few years it improves? I know I am being emotional and if you asked them this is definitely way off, but everyone needs to be able to rant here and there so here it is.
Sometimes we will be in the truck, on one of our drives to hockey or friends houses and I have his full attention. I get a few minutes of a REAL conversation. It goes a little like me trying desperately to find out what is happening in his life, him most often trying to ONE word answer the questions and get back to his music. Who did he eat lunch with, who did he hang out with at study hall, who has girlfriends, how is school going etc. 1.5 hr drive home from hockey at 11 p.m. are pretty boring alone. Those are the nights I pray he forgets his headphones. I'm not asking to annoy him or to tell him I am not happy about it, I merely am asking because I feel lost, left out, left behind. Why don't you want to hang out with me anymore or talk to me? I'm cool right? I know as I type it I laugh. Sometimes he is super open and it makes my day, or even my week. Other days you wouldn't even know that I am in the room. He listens to his headphones and sings songs, and keeps to himself. I know I should respect that, but it is hard. Do you remember those times? I sure do, but as a GIRL we were very different. I talked with my mom all the time and I see that with my daughter. Maybe that is just my memory, I will definitely have to ask my mom what really happened. My daughter on the other hand is a bit different but again they are 1.5 years apart and boy vs girl. She doesn't always spend time with us, but she always makes time to chat before bed and I absolutely love it. Sometimes it annoys me because it is usually at the worst time (right in the middle of my book) or when I finally get my husband talking (as this is difficult, must be a boy gene), but deep down I cherish those moments because I dread for them to leave.
The world revolves around their schedules, but they are different. It is about them, not about US anymore. I am all for more time with my hubby, he just needs to get the memo... Everyone says the high school years go by so fast so enjoy them. I can only imagine. How do you enjoy them though when they are never around? I regularly talk with myself and try to remind myself that this is normal, but it saddens me. I guess I wasn't really ready for it. Where has the time gone? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were having to tie his skates? You would be so proud of me, the other day when he opened up I was totally calm when he told me he had a girlfriend (he actually told me so I was so happy). I am taking that one as a win and holding onto it for as long as I can.
As hormones kick in and tensions rise I remind myself regularly not to yell (which generally doesn't work, its apart of me), not to get upset because they are ignoring me (they aren't meaning to hurt us), not to sweat the small stuff (because you haven't dealt with big stuff), but some days the sadness/frustration just takes over and something small (that isn't a big deal) has turned into a fight because the WORLD is ending because he didn't say goodnight to me last night. They might as well get use to being confused and not understanding women, we are preparing them for the future.
To my son: I am a pretty simple mom. Cooperate and get what you want, but don't forget to love on me a bit here and there because I have given you my whole life and it hurts to know I have to start letting you go (same applies to my husband). You have turned into an amazing kid (almost man). I hope that I can take some credit for that. I am so proud of you beyond being able to express it. I know you will succeed and you will get everything you want because I know you will work hard for it and you will never give up. I know it sounds like you are going off to College or University but this is me adjusting to grade 9.
Just remember a few things:
- Say good morning and goodnight to your mom every day. Hug or kiss her. Tell her that you love her out of the blue. Thank her for dinner.
- Be polite at all times. Use your manors. You are a reflection of us and I want it to be good. We raised you that way.
- Make sure you shower and brush your teeth, no one likes stinky teenagers. And don't use soooo much shampoo and body wash that I have to buy it weekly. There is also overdoing it. Doterra products rock for this. Thank goodness I have so many points.
- Always talk to me, I love hearing about hockey, friends and just about anything that comes out of your mouth.
- Show respect for your elders. Make sure to look them in the eye, shake their hands, and have manors while you do it.
- No means NO, no matter what the situation (especially with girls). They can change their minds if they want to.
- Treat your girlfriends like queens, spoil them, show them you care, take them out to dinner, buy them flowers, and open doors for them.
- Change always happens. Accept it with grace.
- Work hard at everything. Hard work beats talent any day (my husband says this all the time when talking about hockey).
- Show others what a good kid you are. Help someone when they are in need. It takes no effort to open a door for someone. By you doing that it makes someone else's day and shows there is hope in the world.
- Learning is so important. I have taken Covid as it is and have done a ton of training. You are never to old or too good at something to improve on it.
- I trust your decisions. Don't get me wrong you will make bad choices, but that is how we learn and I will always LOVE you.
- Be a true friend. Even when you have a girlfriend always make time for your friends. There will be lots of girls, but true friends are hard to come by.
- Admit when you are wrong. Take ownership, and fix it. Whatever it might be we will always forgive you.
- No matter what you do, we will always love you. We will always come and get you in bad situations and we will always have time for you - even when you aren't living with us anymore.
- Don't compare yourself to others. I know it is hard (especially in hockey), but compare yourself to you, to the old you and push yourself to improve on whatever that is.
- Be humble. Always work to achieve your success, but don't feel the need to brag when success has come your way. No one likes a bragger...
- Never spend money you don't have. It will get you into trouble.
- if you can't talk with someone about your feelings write it down. It always makes me feel better (so thank you for listening).
- Last but not least, move away when the time is fitting, find success, find love and be happy. Know that I (we) will be happy knowing you are happy and that we have prepared you for the future, but DON'T forget to call.
Can someone bring me another bottle of Adaptiv, I have used it all up today?